I’d been in denial about it for a while now. We started dieting begining of November 2005. Brian lost nearly 80 lbs and I lost over 60. During our wedding planning and with all the truffle making, things started to get out of hand little by little.
Then the honeymoon came and we celebrated by eating some more. We felt good and comfortable and it seems like one of the things we have in common, is that in some way, food means family and love. We started a family of our own and added a member to the exting ones or joined a whole new one and food has always been one of our favorite ways to celebrate. So we celebrated. And then we settled. And we celebrated some more and ate much more.
And now, here we are two months, one week post wedding and I’ve gained approximately 25 lbs. I decided that a few more pounds would be easy to shed, specially since we’d shed so many. So I kept eating and overeating and then it went from a couple pounds to a few to 10 lbs, and then 15. I decided to ignore the scale at that point and stopped weighing in then. I’ve felt the different in clothes for work and in pictures Brian loves taking. (
) I am very fat again. Not nearly as fat as I used to be, but none the less. VERY. FAT.
It’s a continuous struggle because it seems like we’ve both decided that food is no harm and that it’s okay to continue eating. We eat in the morning and for lunch and then for dinner and then supper and there are the snacks. Chocolates and cookies and delicious pies. And then there is the eating out and three servings of suculent fries at Red Robin and then the eating the bread in restaurants and the ordering desserts and then constant treats we shouldn’t even be thinking about.
I love Brian, he’s amazing and he does nothing but try to make me happy. And if food makes me happy, he’s set to make me ecstatic. I’ve been feeling very sad about my recent weight gain. I feel fat and unpretty and feel everything but seductive latelty. Brian on the other hand, looks as hot as ever and I love every bit of him. And it’s not so much an insecurity, it’s just that I am not very happy with the way I look lately.
I know I need to do something about this and that it’s only in my hands and that it will not get any further if I make up my mind and put a stop to it. It’s still hard when everywhere I turn I see yummy food I want to eat. Places where I want to go eat. My favorite foods available at all times. And all I can do is be ashamed of my lack of discipline and my apparent lack of interested for staying on plan and counting points.
I need to go back and I may document some of the frustrations of doing so in this blog. So bare with me. Be supportive. Do not feed me. At least not the stuff I shouldn’t be eating. Love me. Be patient with me.
